Carry Me To Your Arms

Yolly, Yolands, Yolz and Yoling. These are just the common funny name that Filipino amused themselves of calling the "Yolanda Storm" (Haiyan) one of the strongest Typhoon ever hit in the world and the landfall is no other than PHILIPPINES!... My country.

I'm grateful that I was safe in the comfort of my home and enjoying the beautiful day that was offered to me when the storm landed in Philippines, but at the same time, I feel disheartened for not being part of the suffering that my fellow Filipinos had endured especially those who were part of it. It's not that I want to be part of it, Of course, I don't want to be part of it, Who does? But I feel heartbroken in the sense that,why would they experience such disaster and I am not? Why would they go through it and I, and you are spared? It's not fair and its never going to be fair.

It may not be fair to me and to everyone but I guess there must be a reason why I got spared or you got spared because You and I has to comfort, soothe, console and reassure them that everything will be fine.

When the storm was happening, I saw my Facebook stream and it was all about Yolanda. Some were plagued of worries, some were so prayerful and hopeful, and some of them were just totally enjoying making fun of it. I guess because, Filipinos have gotten so used of Nature's Burst. Our country has always been the passage of storms so Yolanda was just one of them but Yolanda was different because she was the strongest of them all and I think her vigorous power never got anticipated.

There were lots of prayers exchanging in the net world. One of them, to spare the Philippines or to stop the storm so people will not suffer or get hurt. I, on the other hand, only prayed. "Strength, Acceptance and Peace". I could not pray to stop it because in my heart, no matter how much I'll put an extreme amount of effort to pray of stopping it. I knew its not going to happen and Philippines is not going to be spared of the wrath of Yolanda at all even though millions of prayers has been poured out. It is what it is.

Can I be angry to God? I wanted to but I couldn't for He created this world this way.

After the storm was over, videos, pictures, news of the devastation has been all around the world. Immense count of deaths is remarkable. I tried so hard to not watch anything because not only it will painfully affect me, it will also breaks my heart watching them suffer. So I tried to live my life as how it is because my tears cannot help them. My anger, frustrations, wrath and complains cannot either. I can cry all I want and resent the storm and the government who is so irresponsible and disorganized but is my emotions and view can change it? Are the lives who got lost can live again? Are the places that got wrecked can be put back again in the normal state?  My answer is definitely NO.

I cannot do anything about those people who is taking advantage of the situation,  whatever their reasons are, no matter how evil and unreasonable it is, they still have their selfish reasons and they'll always do what they want to do! Can I stop them? Definitely Not! I can rant all I want and blame whoever I want to blame with, but can I change their minds? Not at all! Sadly to say it's part of this world, some people are just greedy and just don't freaking care.

Whether we want to hear it or not, It is what it is! Whatever good and bad that is happening between this chaos, its part of the creation and plan of the outcome that Yolanda will bring. All I can really do is do what I think I can do to help. That's all.

Even though I really cannot do anything physically since I am so far away from the affected area but YES my donation can help them big time. I can only do what I can do in my own little power. My donation is that little light among all the lights that embraced these people who have suffered. My light and your light made the big difference of these broken souls in the depths of the darkness who had lost everything including those people they love so dearly! Oh I can just imagine their pain!

Ultimately, these are the credible reasons why we got spared, so we can touch the broken ones and to help them heal and make them whole again.

I am indeed in awe of how much people in these world can shower love! I am overwhelmed of the countries in the world who have reached out to help Philippines.  Their generosity and care is unbelievable. The love of humanity, smothered the catastrophic agony of those people who have suffered in the midst of the storm. Whatever we have contributed and help. We are the heroes and angels to these people.

The storm and the aftermath. The 6 days of starvation and survival sent messages to the world, that the spirit of Filipinos endured the worst storm and it can also endure anything, even sleeping with the dead love ones because no one was around to be there to pick them up, obviously, people had reached their hands and donation seconds after the storm was over, However, government leadership were so dysfunctional and a lack of sense of responsibility eat the people, who have suffered the storm alive.

Nevertheless, I am not here to bash and strike them with criticism because they are part of the plan of God and as I said, it is what it is; despite of it all, I still see the positive and valuable outcome of this turmoil. Whatever horrible was happening in between the calamity, there was a beautiful message underlying in it and that message will somehow wake up the people in this world to be aware of ourselves that we can give love to humanity and we have a gift of compassion and ability to take care of each other.

Why Philippines? Why of all the countries, It has to be Philippines? Of course, If not Philippines, somehow; somewhere a place and people will get affected of it but still the storm didn't back down and still hit Philippines. I think God has a good explanation of it and this is what I felt why He allowed it to happen. Filipinos are like bamboos, we snap back and forth, no storm can break it, no matter how powerful it would be, the bamboo doesn't lose its strength. It still stays and stick on the ground just swinging. The structure of the bamboo is just like the spirit of Filipinos and how its clustered is how we are with each other and how we use our resourcefulness with nothing is also like how the bamboo transformed into good use when they are cut down. The bamboo can make a home out of his structure and we are each other's home. It also symbolizes optimism, unity, and adaptability. When the old bamboo dies, the bamboo sprouts appears. So it means that whatever was lost, bamboos always manage to get up and put everything back to normal with its sense of new powerful spirit in them.

Other than these reasons, Filipinos are also like crickets in the night. We make noises in the world to hear. Our prayers, opinions and judgement and cries is all over the net world! We never stop until we get tired venting and as far as I know, Filipinos are the only one who is doing this sound in the entire world! Our voices must be heard and we make use of our advantages in Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Youtube or anywhere where we can lash out our emotions and of what we think of a certain situation that is why Cybercrime Prevention Act of 2012 was imposed to Philippine law because we just love to speak our minds and we really love to do it because we totally love attention.

So because of this, I felt that God is using this character of us to shout to the world of how we are as Filipinos and one of the main character we possessed is our faith to God which manifested in the midst of our suffering. Filipinos has always been so outspoken of their love to God.

Philippines is one of the countries where a lot of devotees lives and even if it's a 3rd world country. God has always been the center of our lives. It's one of the religious country in the world. So what happened is that Philippine now became the vessel of the message to the entire world that despite of the disaster, we still manage to put a smile on our faces and through our voices we  proclaimed hope, strength and the trust of God  no matter how devastating our situation is. In other words, we become the voice of God!

The world will somehow learn from Filipinos how to laugh and smile even if cruel things like this happens and they will somehow get the message that no matter how much life slapped them with adversity that they too can overcome it and can still live life to the fullest, Just like how Filipino had dealt with it easy with beam of their faces.



Like what we always say, It's more fun in the Philippines! Whether its flooding or not we always have that Filipino humor to top it off!

Any disasters cannot break us from living our lives, no matter how strong it can be. The happy spirit of Filipinos cannot be thwarted even in the midst of crisis!






I am so impressed of Filipinos essence, enthusiasm, warmth, and frame of mind and it makes me proud that I am Filipino and I can proudly say "It's fun to be Filipino!"

However, before I end this, I pray to God that these noises that Filipino shout to the world will also be the voice of those people who have suffered everyday of hunger and continuous death. I am not talking about people who have been affected of nature's wrath, but I'm talking about those people in countries who have suffered starvation and war everyday! A lifestyle that they could not let go of, because, they have been deprived of the ability to fight it. Those people never have choice because they can't buy food for they don't have nothing and people whose in war cannot fight back either for they are deprived of freedom.

I pray for healing for those people whose not been heard, because they don't have the courage and strength anymore for their miseries is buried inside them for no one is their to speak and fight for them. Filipinos are fortunate for we still have each other and our voices can indeed reach even to the farthest side of the world. Let us use this voice for the unheard ones so that they can feel the love that they deserve to receive. Love that brings healing in wounded souls. Love that preside in the hearts of the people who have help the Yolanda Storm victims. Love that steered up the unity of this world. Love that restore the broken ones.

After all, What is Yolanda is all about? It's really all about love! Yolanda brought love and unity!
Love that endures,  Love that accepts and Love that gives unconditionally.

Think about it........

So Thank You Yolanda for uniting this world as one!

Take My Hand

I looked ahead of me and I noticed the Utopian woman, among the group, she was the only one who chose not to take the Eucharistic bread. She knelled down and welcomed Father Danneker blessings without her taking the bread, her strange manner made me marvel.

Fortunately, I happened to stand beside her when we were ready to eat our lunch. She was a timid, demure, gentle lady. I noticed her already during the first day of our retreat because she was shy and always just around the corner. She only speaks when she needed to speak. Well of course, I can always empathize with her, because I am also like her but a little so out version.

So with that chance at hand, I introduced myself and asked her name. So we became acquainted right at that moment. And so, I guess you can figure out now what I did, I asked her why she didn't take the bread. (nosy as ever)

"I'm sorry for being so curious, but I just want to ask why you chose not to take the bread? and of course its okay if you don't want to answer."

She shyly smiled and replied to me;

"Oh no, its okay. It just that its been a long time that I haven't had confession, and I kind of lost my way for years, I don't go to church that much anymore and I guess I forgot about God and also, I have been living with my boyfriend for 5 years without the sacrament of marriage. So that's the reason why I couldn't take the Eucharistic bread and....."
She paused and hesitantly wanting to say more.

I gave her an understanding nod to keep on going for I am with her and intently listening to her.

"and.....my family is really religious and they take the sacraments seriously. So because of that I became accustomed with that tradition that I myself felt like its not okay to take the bread specially that I committed all those behavior without the blessings of the church and that I should cleanse myself first before taking anything sacred."

I held her arms lovingly and I then asked her, "What about you? What do you feel about it? What does your heart says?"

Her eyes moved like she was in state of confusion and trying to stone herself from crying.

"I feel defective, I feel that there is something wrong with me, I feel like a fallen angel that I don't belong, I feel like God doesn't want me because I took him for granted and disobeyed him. I feel like I'm a disgrace to my community, to church and to my own family. I disrespected God, my family and myself."

She didn't cry, her face were in a state of concealing her emotions and she blurted out helplessly "I don't know..."

I hugged her "You must be feeling awful."

"You know what? Come, eat beside me, I want to tell you some awful rebellious behavior from me."

She sat beside me and I told her my own story of rebellion.

"You know, I was married and I just got out from it but I am not going to tell you about the separation part. What I am going to tell you was when we got married. I was living with him for 2 years before we tied the knot and on top of that we got married outside the church, I should say at the court. As you know that is against the tradition of the church because we all believed in this kind of idea that the church is the source of all the blessings when we married someone and that the church should be part of it. "

"It didn't bother me for I know in my heart that God is everywhere whether in the presence of a priest, a rabbi or a pastor or a judge or whoever."

"And also, I never had confessions for years as well and add to that I still received communion whenever I am attending the mass. As sure as heavens, It didn't bother me."

"One day, I think a year after our marriage, My loving and godly friend in my religious community that I joined visited us at home, She was so nice to remind us the sacrament of marriage is really important. And she suggested that if we want, we can get married inside the church and they are going to assist us of the wedding.

"It was so generous of them to offer such assistance, but my Ex and I knew that Wedding in the church wasn't right for us during that time. You know that kind of instinct that we kind of knew already that the separation will happen. So we didn't want to rush ourselves and we didn't want to further any damage."

"I wasn't bothered with the idea of a wedding inside the church, until.... My friend mentioned to me that I CANNOT RECEIVE A COMMUNION BECAUSE ITS A SIN TO TAKE IT WHEN I AM LIVING WITH SOMEONE IN ONE ROOF WITHOUT THE CHURCH BLESSINGS.

"Of course I'm always ignorant with church policy and everything, but when she mentioned it, I felt that my blood got drained and was trying my might not to cry, while having the conversation,what's circling at the back of my mind was (So God? I Am not allowed to take the communion just because?) It bothered me."

"Of course I couldn't hate my friend for that information because that's what she knew and have been practicing, and of course, she had her own experience too of how God had blessed her marriage when she decided to get married inside the church. She was just concernedly relaying to me what I should do in order for me to get more blessings from God in a proper way and I was so grateful for the concern."

"When they left, I was crying my heart out. I couldn't accept the fact that I couldn't take my communion just because I committed such crime of marrying outside of church."

"It really bothered me and I wasn't able to sleep that night, my eyes were swollen when I woke up."

"I then went to the blessed sacrament that morning to pray and asked some bold question directly to God."

"When inside, I bombarded God tons of questions and one of those were (HOW CAN YOUR LOVE BE SO CONDITIONAL?)"

"Of course of all of my question, I never received a direct answers."

However, after minutes of grieving, my thoughts went silent.

The only feelings that I felt at that moment was how much God loves me.

I then thought that God's love for me is not conditioned by anything in this world. His love for me doesn't stop me from taking his grace through the holy Eucharistic bread and his love for me doesn't see me as a sinner instead a child that he love dearly."

"And I then told him. (Lord, I don't care if I commit a sin by taking the bread due to my circumstances, for your bread is my food, your bread is sustaining my being and my soul. So I don't care if you get mad at me which I know in my heart, you won't.)"

"So yeah, after awhile, I acted like I didn't hear It and kept taking the bread of life every mass because; what was important to me was not what the crowd was telling me but what I was feeling inside which I know was wrong in the eyes of the church society; in spite of it,  even it was wrong; it was giving me graces of acceptance and love from God."

"The reason why I just want to hug you right now is that I wish and pray that one day, you are going to allow God to supplement you with his grace of acceptance and love for you."

"We are Human Being built with our blisters and discolorations. Unfortunately we are in this world to blend in. If we follow the crowd, there is a tendency that we might get swayed, but if we follow the voice of God within us, He can guide us to the direction that we are meant to go without any condemnation of ourselves because the truth as I perceived it, is we lived to balance the Good and the Bad in this lifetime, and if we can't accept that fact, we might vanished in the crowd."

"My marriage didn't work and sure as heavens, our relationship went through the test of hell, not because we didn't listen to what the church says but because in my own understanding God allowed it to happen so we could gain more wisdom out of our experience. My Ex and I doesn't hate each other instead we love each other in ways that people couldn't understand and I guess that is because we allowed God to maneuver our lives without judging life."

"I hope one day, you will allow God to come into your life without conditions, and I hope one day, you'll find that small little piece of you to forgive yourself. It doesn't matter if we take the Eucharistic bread or not, what matters is how much we embraced God's love into our life. God's love heal if we opened up to him our naked wounds because His understanding is beyond our own understanding."

"Let us not be too hard on ourselves. Every little things in our lives happens for a beautiful reason. Of course I learned this the hard way, but thank God because of it, I get to accept it and I became more lighter on myself and I was able to see and feel God's love in my life."

"Honestly, When I looked at you awhile ago, I felt mercy on your soul, not because of the things that you think you did that gone you away from God but because of that burden that you have been carrying with you that prevented God from coming to you. You closed that little door because you felt that you are not worthy enough of his grace."

"God can only enter into our lives when we know how to let go of unnecessary condemning thoughts and feelings that is burdening us. He wants us to accept who we are as a human being, a wounded being, a sinner in every way so we can find that little piece of forgiveness that we deserve. Feven, God doesn't need to forgive us. He knows our  inadequacy to perfection. He loves us so much and its beyond any love anyone can give."

"I chose not to listen to some people and I chose to only pick that can only serve my soul. I chose to listen to my heart with tremendous amount of prayers because I know whether I do bad, I know God's grace is always with me, and that grace will lift me up in darkness; darkness in which I clasped in my arms"

"I love myself even on my ugliest me just like how God loves me, And you should too. Don't isolate yourself, blend with the crowd, be always proud of your scars, because those scars will be the light of God's unconditional love."

I then held her hands and asked,

"You are here Feven because you love God right?"

She nodded agreeably,

"So that Love that you feel towards him is enough. He loves us so much that whether we love him or not, It won't matter because He loves us more than we could ever imagine. We are talking about Unconditional Love here Feven; which no man's Love can grasp and I think God would ask only one thing from us, and that one thing is TO LOVE OURSELVES so we can love the people around us more and that love would expands on the farthest side on the realm of our reality. It helps us embraced the humanity of how they really are."

"Think about it Feven, You don't need to listen to me or anyone. Listen to your heart, because that is where God will speak to you and you need to really listen carefully, because the only time that God can enter into our lives is when we know how to finally forgives ourselves and to accept reality of how it is."

I smiled at her and told her "Cmon' give me a hug!"

She then told me "I feel so much better Sheila"

We tend to convict ourselves to things that shouldn't be convicted in the first place. The result of our malfunction as a human being is fleshing out this side of us of how much we need God and how much God needs us. If we didn't experience the bad side of life, how can we know God's unconditional love?

The consequences of our misbehaving decisions always leads us to him. A blessing in disguise that we don't even notice.

There are people in this world that is fortunate enough because their lives is without any doubt, pretty normal. and our normalcy pity those people who is living life out of misery because of the choices that they made.
Yet, pity not because when we are normal. Our knowing and experiences about life is also normal.  Depth-less and shallow. However, when we are tested to the deepest core of suffering in life, our intelligence is also measured by the deepest foundation of it because out of those suffering, it filled our soul a tremendous amount of kindness and acceptance to human kind.


Think about it =)

I Am Who I Am

"Oh sheila, you have your own religion because what you are believing is different than the facts in the bible." As Chris, my friend/co-worker was emphasizing his thought about my beliefs. 

"How can you believe that all of us goes to heaven? Even Hitler goes to heaven huh?" As He continued in a teasing manner. 

I'm trying to remember how our conversation awhile ago, but as far as I think right now, we were in the midst of a battle about Christianity. 

"Oh Chris, My beliefs are my beliefs, what I feel is what I feel, what I thought is what I thought. I am not trying to justify or make you believe what I believe, cause it is what I believe. I can say whatever I want to say about certain things. It is my own theory and my own opinion. Whether it is true or not; or you want to agree or disagree, It won't matter cause no one knows the truth! We are free to feel and think whatever and however we want."

"So you are not a Christian then? Cause you are not thinking like a Christian"

"Oh well, I never wanted to call myself a Christian in the first place. I am nobody but I believe in God and I have my faith and its all that matters to me."

"and you goes to church by that thought? Why wouldn't you want to call yourself a Christian?"

"Because I am not attached to anything in this world. I am not attached to any religion and I don't intend to be. I can only  take some knowledge so I won't be that ignorant, but I don't want to go deeper to what it is all about"

"and besides when you call yourself a christian you tend to be..." I was lost of words, I didn't know how to express myself.

I felt the tension when I said that I don't want to call myself a Christian that Clarissa chimed in to our conversation, As Christian herself, I guess she felt a little offended or kinda defensive about what I said,

"So what made you think that way?" Clarissa asked, and continued "I think you are afraid to know the deeper side of Christianity, You are a catholic yourself and a Christian, you need to know what's inside your own religion"

"I am willing to know about everything, If given a chance why not? and If God would take me to that direction and if He wants me to know about it, why not? I'll follow and I'll go along, not only in my Catholic religion but to other religions as well, It's exciting to learn about different tradition and culture of churches, but as I said, I don't want to submerge myself in knowing beneath religion itself. It is too much for me take, I don't think I can handle it, my concentration really, is how I am going to build my relationship with God through my relationship with other people and by taking care of this world that God created."

"Or maybe I don't want to call myself a Christian because really I don't know that much about Christianity, I am not there yet, Maybe that's my reason."

Well since Clarissa is my best friend and pretty know so much about what I think and feel about certain things, So I think she understood my point of view that she left the conversation.

Meanwhile, Chris and I wasn't finished yet,

"Being a Christian, you have to follow the facts in the bible and not what you think" Chris cited, 

"Chris first and foremost, What you are behaving right now is not a Christian like, You are somewhat judging and criticizing me of what I feel and believe. Maybe, that's the reason why I don't want to be called a Christian. If I want to be called a christian and I am going to act like you are acting right now? I would feel so embarrassed of myself. A christian should respect someone's opinion and belief of other people. Everyone is different just so you know. 

and In a playful manner he replied "So If I want to believe like a Hindu? It's okay?"

"Of course its okay! You can believe whoever and whatever! It's your right and its your free will! There is no difference! We are all accepted and love by God."

and It went on and on and on... that Chris said "Whatever Sheila!"

And I said, "Whatever!"

And we went back to finishing our side work! Laugh out Loud! (that's how cats and dogs does)

Just a thought: 

Nobody really achieve something when it comes to debating which is which especially when we try to reason out our own view about something, in this part, Christianity. There are wide different interpretation of God, spirituality, bible and Religion. It goes on and on and on. It never stops and no one wins!

As for my part, whether I call myself a Christian or not, It won't matte, cause I believe that God would not see me differently just because I believe of something which some people doesn't for I would never feel excluded in God's presence, I am molded with my own set of thoughts and feelings. I have my own set of functions, Same as everybody around.

Loving God, I believe that seeking for truth about our beliefs are boundless and truth always lead us back to reality and for me reality is God and if we learn how to accept and love this reality we live in then I guess that's how we can only love God.

I wasn't upset by Chris reaction to what I believe in,He has the right to feel and think whatever He wants, cause same as me, His own belief is his belief and that what makes him who He is. A unique individual whom God created and loved :)

An Embodiment Of A Flourished Soul

As I was walking towards Lola Meding, I was quite surprise to see the changes on her physical body. She looked delicately skinnier, so different since the last time I saw her.

I was dissolve on the fragility of her body as I was getting nearer to her.  I felt like crying for the deprivation of her own strength as the latter part of her life is coming to an end. Yet, when I came to rest on her lap, the radiance deep down her soul showed up, her eyes sparkled and while she was trying to figure me out of who I was, Her soul lingered through my eyes and I noticed her physical body wasn't there anymore, it was her enduring vibrant loving soul who is carrying it for her.

Picking up pieces from her ample memories that she had acquired in her entire life, she finally remembered the little glimpses of me. Her smiled brightened as the flashed back of her memories coming through her mind. Her eyes met my eyes, A familiar soul vibe connected us, her eyes beamed with joy as she was recapturing memorable moments in her life, that time, she captured partly mine but others were her accomplishments.

Her mental capacity to remember was discreetly limited due to her inadequacy as her aged body slowly dispersing in the thin air. Yet, the quality of her soul;  its strength, power and durability strike me with astonishment for it was so full of energy and spirit.

I sat beside her and because her own soul is already in control of her physical body. She became more affectionate and loving. She held my hands like I am someone special to her and there were moments as well when she grabbed my right hand to hug her and the most sweetest moment with her was when she kissed my hand three times.

I saw not the sick person but a well strong happy radiant accomplished Lola Meding. The display of her appearance and her smiling face proclaimed to me that she is ready for the lord to take her anytime. She is just in the verge of waiting patiently and acting upon by obeying still the last will of her life to be fulfilled. As always Lola's obedience to God glazed in the frailness of her physique.

Her service and love to God manifested the strength of her endurance and bravery. Her immense love of God fall upon the people around her. She devoted her entire life giving away everything she possessed so everyone will be fruitful so the children in this generation can harvest abundance of blessings she had gained from the seed that God planted on her. Her generosity gave her great amount of fortune on her soul.

She is a wealthy human being, not by the money that she possessed but by the amount of kindness, humility and unselfishness that she owned. She had prospered the lives whom she had encountered along the way that's why God granted him the richness she deserves in this life time.

As a woman, I look up to her, She compasses everything a woman should have, An obedient daughter, A caring sister, A loving wife, a nurturing mother, an affectionate grandmother, a trust-worthy friend, and a good Samaritan to her neighbors. Most importantly, her unwavering devotion and loyalty to God. She carried all these qualities throughout her life and as far as herself, Lola has it all! A true woman of faith and a true warrior.

I see the graces of God in Lola's life. Her tree had been watered properly with proper amount of hard work and her fidelity to God and She is now picking up the  fruits of her labor. With that said,  Lola have been loved and treasured by so many, Everyone wants a piece of  her sweet precious fruit because not only it fulfill your hunger of wisdom but it will also bless you.

I am pretty sure God is so happy that she created Lola for she did a great job of completing her life as how she is supposed to live her life. Lola gave God straight A's. For now, I see Lola in the rail gate of heaven, like a little girl waiting for her gift to be opened. Anticipating and musing outside patiently and super excited for the gate to finally open. Though the gate of heaven is not opening for her yet but I'm sure in God's right time, there would be feast waiting for her! It's gonna be a fabulous "welcome back" celebration in heaven and I'm self-assured that its God himself who will pick her up from the Gate.

And Then It Led Me To You

A sudden familiar stomach pain hit me when I was in the middle of the mass. Having this irregular in and out pain for years, I already know what to expect from me.

"Oh lord not at this moment please and not here...."

Panicked had aroused in me, as if the time walk by inches, and I get to feel slowly the increase commotion of pain inside my stomach. The twinge of discomfort bothered me, Consciously. It was rising on my physical sphere. I tried fighting it and putting some positive thoughts in my head, but it didn't work.

The pain got more intense, and the thing is; I was at the front of the altar, and the interior of the church is wide that everybody could notice me and there wasn't much people to begin with.

"Please... help me...I don't want to embarrass myself on these people, and I don't want to ruin the mass and make them all worry about me."

We all stood up and prayed "I believe in God." I was feeling weak, tense, in so much pain and unstable. As I was trying to alleviate the outburst of a convulsion inside my stomach. I sat down but seems like it wasn't working. I couldn't properly hear the priest and anyone anymore.

When we all knelled down,

"Please help me lord, I don't want to cut this mass, and I want to receive the communion for today."

I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't want to spoil the mass and everybody because I knew I was going to collapse any minute. So I stood up and walked away. I was pretty sure some of them was quite concerned about me because my movement was wobbly.

I didn't care anymore, All I wanted at that moment was to get out. As I was walking away and desperately seeking for the restroom which I didn't know where, the stimulations of my body were getting worst, I was feeling numb, and my walk got heavier, and it seems like everybody around me got darker and darker. I was freaking out and frantic because I didn't know where to go, and I was fighting with all my heart not to lose my consciousness.

Until when I was about to pass out that I saw a blurry white shirt woman entered the door coming from outside and concernedly asked me If I need help.

"Where is the restroom?" It's all that came out from my mouth.

And she led me to the restroom and when I finally inside, I felt a little better. Because, I got accustomed to the pain, so I knew how to help myself alleviate it. While I was throwing up, I kept praying that

I would feel a little better so I can still receive the communion. I didn't want to get sick because I still want to finish the Catholic Mass and go to the other church to supplement myself because that morning was set for my time with God before I start working that day.

Thanks be to God, because I felt so much better even though weak, but I was still able to receive the sustenance of grace through the Eucharistic bread, and I was the last person to get it. I made it on time!

I was determined to look for the lady to say Thank You to her. I wasn't sure who to look for because when she came to me, She was blurry and unrecognizable. All I could remember was the structure of her body and the white shirt she was wearing. I knew that she was just inside the church, So I went looking for her after the mass,

But It didn't take me a while to find her. She was a middle age white woman, and she was outside the chapel giving pamphlets for the people who just came out from the mass service. So I approached her with my smiling face and asked,

"I'm sorry to bother you but where you the one who guided me to the restroom?"

And she said "yes" with a smile on her face.

"I was ready to pass out, and you came out of nowhere. Thank you so much!"

"Oh, I am sorry to hear that, but are you feeling better now?"

And I replied "Yes. I  am feeling a lot better!"

And She handed me the Pamphlet "Well, If you have time for a woman's weekend retreat, You are free to join us!"

I got excited when I read it, I want to join, but I had some concerns because I was not confident if my schedule is going to work for me cause I usually work over the weekend. Even though, I wasn't certain, but I was quite a surprise of my reply.

"Yeah Sure! I'll see you there then!"

While driving on the way to buy me coffee before I headed to the "Buckhead Church" To hear Pastor Andy Stanley (One of my fave pastor). I had some questions running through my mind.

Was that pain led me to that lady, so I could join the Retreat? Or Does God wants my presence in the retreat? Or maybe everything was just a mere coincidence?

Oh well, I took the Pamphlet aside for I don't want to over think everything.

However, God seems on wanting me to attend because I found out that my schedule worked out perfectly for me on that weekend!!!

Hence, I am pretty excited for Women's Retreat Escapade, that moment of discomfort was a blessing in disguise I could say; because I think its going to be a step forward for me to get closer with God and spend more time with him, and get to know him more! Amazingly, I'm looking forward to it.