A Growth Of Sprout Within Me

                                                           

I was awaken by the cold touch on my face. I couldn't go back to sleep, So I jumped out from my bed and ran into the bathroom. After I took the shower, I stared at my Divorce Papers placed on my dining table. There was a mist of sadness in me. I thought of dropping by to the 7:30 am mass at the Blessed Sacrament of St. Thomas More
Church before heading to the Superior Court since it was just within the area.

However, the parking lot were empty when I arrived at the church. So I thought there might be no mass, but it didn't stop me of going inside. It was exactly 7:33 am when I entered the Blessed Sacrament. It was empty and there was Father Brian Lorie standing in front of the altar with his hand opened.
He looked at me as if he already expected my arrival and said:

"Dear would you like to join the mass with me?"

I looked around astounded and compelled for there was no one inside except Father Brian. I think for about a second my face was confused and turned from surprise to excitement that I said, "SUREEEE!"

He then asked, "Can you read the first readings for me?" So, I got more confused and lost because I didn't know what to do. My mind were in battle "What? How? Where?". My confusion reached to Fr. Brian's awareness. He then pointed the bible where it was located and said "Read it."

Reading 12 COR 3:15—4:1, 3-6

Brothers and sisters:
To this day, whenever Moses is read,
a veil lies over the hearts of the children of Israel,
but whenever a person turns to the Lord the veil is removed.
Now the Lord is the Spirit and where the Spirit of the Lord is,
there is freedom.
All of us, gazing with unveiled face on the glory of the Lord,
are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory,
as from the Lord who is the Spirit.

Therefore, since we have this ministry through the mercy shown us,
we are not discouraged.
And even though our Gospel is veiled,
it is veiled for those who are perishing,
in whose case the god of this age
has blinded the minds of the unbelievers,
so that they may not see the light of the Gospel
of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.
For we do not preach ourselves but Jesus Christ as Lord,
and ourselves as your slaves for the sake of Jesus.
For God who said, Let light shine out of darkness,
has shone in our hearts to bring to light
the knowledge of the glory of God
on the face of Jesus Christ.

I felt weird when I was reading for I was reading it in front of an empty benches, yet far beyond my imagination were angels gathered around watching us.

In honesty, I was quite disoriented because I truly don't know how to do responses of the mass.
(That is what you get when you are not always joining church masses and just following the crowd every time you do so; and so I got obvious)

Well Father Brian picked up on it, so he was really nice for he was guiding me and did the responses himself too. It was just so bizarre because nobody came in and as far as I know a priest should have assistance in doing mass even just one person, but I didn't quite understand why he was alone that morning.

Leaving aside, After He gave me "The body of Christ," I knelled down and tried to pray but my thoughts were gone. It was completely silence. Minutes had passed, He then reached out his prayer for me.

"May almighty God bless you, the father, and the son, and the holy spirit; Amen"
"Go in the peace of Christ; Thanks be to God"

I walked with him after the mass ended and asked about my dream.

"Father Can I speak with you?"

"Yeah Sure!

"Well, I had a dream four nights ago. I was chased by bad spirits, and I was running away from them. Hiding so they can't see me. Within that dream, A girl and a boy handed me a letter and the girl said;

"This is a letter from God, read it quickly as possible because these bad spirits surrounding us doesn't want you to read this."

So when she handed me the letter, I opened and read it fast enough to sink into my mind. There were three phrases in that letter, but I was only able to read the last part because I got paralyzed after I finished reading it.

"In connection with God,
You need to go forward with him"

Sleep paralysis had stroked me. I couldn't move; I couldn't talk; I couldn't breath. I was struggling to wake up! I prayed the "Our Father" while I was immovable yet I can sense someone was watching me from my reality. After I was done praying, I was able to breath and free myself from the horrifying experience.

So Father this is my question.

"What do you think that message means?"

By the time I wrapped up, He was already finished placing his garments and belongings on the cabinet.
He looked at me and asked:

"Did you had a confession?"

"No. It's been awhile. My last confession was years ago.

"Okay follow me"

He next led me to a cozy room and brought his holy water, bible and anointing oil and instructed me of how to do the confession...

Soon after the confession, He prayed over me and anointed me. He rubbed  his anointing oil on my forehead and the palms of my hands a sign of the cross. I didn't plan to cry, but a drop of my tears fell down to my hands. It was so humbling. I felt all my negative energy were washed away.

His last word for me was "In regard of your dream; God might be calling you"

I felt like I was on a thin air when I was walking out from the Church. My disbelief of what just happened clouded me. My body felt like a feather floating. I couldn't feel my own spirit. What came out from my lips was "What just happened?"

For a moment, I sat down on a bench. My minds were completely still for about 30 minutes.
The winds from the trees were clamoring to hug me. The soft touch of breeze embraced me lovingly.
I touched my forehead and opened my hands and touched every moist of his anointing oil on my skin.

"Lord, I don't understand? What is going on? I felt strange."

A tiny little purple color mixed of lavender bluish brown butterfly landed on my lap.
I caught it in my index finger. The beautiful creature didn't move, as I carried it up for me to see it clearly, He was at rest, still and undisturbed.

"How can this tiny little one be exquisitely alluring" I thought?

I moved my finger, so he can fly away, but he didn't move.

So I just gazed at him the whole time.

"Okay tiny one, It's all right not to fly. You might be tired...Just rest, your safe with me cause watching you makes me calm too."

After a couple of minutes, it flew away. The little butterfly seems to have trouble flying for He drift through the air so slowly like a baby learning how to walk.

"Bye little one...May the flowers that you passed by bloom beautifully as well."

I took a deep inmost breath....

Butterflies are a gift. It represents different forms of beauty into our existence. When I see one, they always manage to amaze me how the process of their growth has made them to become exquisitely stunning. From being an ugly, appalling scary worm to becoming this creature that is so outlandishly beautiful. Their evolving development cycle has been an essence of stewardship in the development throughout their lives; teaching me that we must also grow and be stretched to become just like them.

However, at that time, I saw the butterfly as God himself, and we are the flowers. As flowers, we feed God by our inwardly healthy being. Our characteristics within us define our nectar. It is a life-giving drink to God; its juiciness is the vitality of our heart. Our scent from the inside is an essential oil of our spirit, which radiates its sweet fragrance in our surroundings whom rivets attention of anyone around especially the butterfly who nourishes our soul.
When we give kindness, warmth and love to humanity, we appeal to God. We bring so much joy to him that it captivates him in refining us to become a well-formed all-powerful spiritual being.

When we captured God's grace that's when pollination takes place. Our moral righteousness, its virtue and quality are transmitted to another flower. God became a passage of goodwill and healing from the embodiment of the beauty we possessed within. Our substance becomes a manifestation of our nutrients that enables us in assisting and flourishing another flower that God himself plugged into.

The relationship between butterflies and flowers have a great significance for one empower each other. Their collaboration reproduces beauty that reinvigorates renewal of our hearts. Meanwhile, when we serve God our food, He devours and secretes our nutrient and transcends our pollen to another flower to make them as beautiful as we are; transfusing it to the stigma of another flower to produce treatment in order to blossom it into a ravishing one, In Christianity, by the way, A stigma is a mark resembling the wounds of a crucified Christ which appears to be our own wounds as well.

We are scared and wounded individuals, and we need God through the nourishment of other people. God himself anointed us to assist healing through the goodness within ourselves, which illuminates the sovereign power of God. We cure others through God. We became the vessel of his grace for it unveils the truth of his love for us, that is beyond our own understanding.

Butterflies need flowers, and flowers needs the butterflies. In other words, God needs us, and we need God. No one survives without each other. God is hungry of our Love that compasses everything in this world. It is a map of our salvation. We are our own healer of each other. Our love complete and beautify this earth that is why God kneaded us to become a magnificent being, so we can outreach our healing spirit to the flowers around us. We are so beautiful in his eyes even on our differences. Our different forms and uniqueness define this earth. Earth without flowers are so dull and lonely that is why no wonder God's love created us; and that love itself is the air we breath to live.

It's amazing how my seed blossomed in the midst of my turmoil. The ornament of wisdom that had grown in me have tremendously impacted my well being. The blessing that had bestowed on me that morning transformed my life into a higher dimension of understanding; An understanding that enables me to appreciate the gift of spirituality within us.

This sprout in me that was watered and blessed by God will blossom into something beyond my imagination; who only God knows how it will become, and if I keep watering it with proper love for myself and for the people around me then that seed will turn out to be the most well endowed beauty.

Let us cleanse and take care of our seed within us so the goodness of our soul radiates scent, so we'll be able to vest in grace and restore broken souls while we are breathing in this earth just like butterflies and flowers do.

                                           

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After more than a year, my confusion finally got answered through this video. 1/15/2015